Day 19: Cabin Fever

I haven’t been rubbling all week (who knew you could make that into a verb?!) Quite truthfully, I’m trying to do everything I can but rubble for many reasons including a hurt shoulder and not limited to a need for variety. The upside to this is I’ve been able to create all week and do planning for the orphanage. The downside is that I’ve been on base for far too many hours. I’m starting to get cabin fever – badly. I also feel I’m starting to go a bit numb. I feel very far from Haiti, from Leogane, right now. I feel I am surrounded by far too many blans. I’ve made a point of eating my lunch outside with the local volunteers (even in the heat) instead of inside the base with most of the international volunteers. I need a little perspective - a reminder of why I’m here, because sometimes stuck inside the base, surrounded by a little too much drama for my own liking (a natural thing to occur when you have 130 people living in one communal space) you start to forget what it’s all about.

I also find that when I’m around base all day I’m easy to find. I’m accessible. I have a terrible problem of not being able to say “no” to almost anyone. My mom constantly reminds me that I’m wearing myself thin obliging myself to an exuberant number of commitments. Saying “no” had been something I had been trying to work on in the few weeks leading up to my trip. Somehow, that terrible habit followed me down here and has crawled back on my shoulder. Though I like the feeling of people wanting my services and skills, I remember how worn it makes me to be pulled in far too many opposing directions. I am now remembering how exhausted I become. I miss the people of Leogane. I miss the little free time I finally found after leaving NYC. I miss not having to say “no” because no one was asking. Because let’s face it, old habits die hard. I also just now realize how much I miss being able to blog about things that really matter – like life in Leogane. Inside 4 cement walls with no roof, you miss so much.

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I wanted to take a quick minute to thank everyone for reading and sharing my blog. I appreciate your time more than words. I also thoroughly enjoy and treasure your comments, even if I have not replied to them. Internet is dodgy enough – it takes almost a half hour each night just to post one blog – I rarely have the energy to do much more online. Do know, though, that not only am I reading your comments but I would love more. So please, leave a message or send an email with your remarks, questions, concerns, and thoughts on absolutely anything! It’s great to hear from you. Thanks again for staying with me. The end is in sight.